Sep 4 2014

her story

**One of the main things we want to share on this little blog is the story of how God has restored our lives – how He has replaced sadness with joy, emptiness with purpose, scarcity with abundance in all areas of life. To be able to fully appreciate where we are, we must remember where we were. To do this, we are going to have a series of His and Hers stories that give some background on both of us individually. We want to paint a picture of who we are and where we came from. Then we will share Our Story.**

Read Part One here.

When I was growing up, my plan was to go to college, move to a big city, get a great job, and live happily ever after.  Honestly, getting married and having children was not high on my list.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want those things, I just never really thought about them.

It is very interesting how our choices and mistakes can totally change the direction of our lives.  Because of my decisions, I was now starting a family at 19 years old, a place I never imagined I would be.

I had just moved into my first apartment and was about to start my sophomore year of college at a school that I loved.  Instead, I ended up moving back in to my parents house and enrolling in the local higher ed center.

Honestly, I was not interested in getting married at that time.  But as time went on and the reality of the situation set in with everyone, it became clear that it was pretty much expected of us.  I did love him and knew marriage was a possibility in the future, it just felt like too much in such a short time.

We got married when I was about three months along in the pregnancy.  Almost right away, it became obvious that this was not going to be easy.  Dating and living in different towns is very different than being married, living in a small apartment together, and having a baby on the way.

About halfway through my pregnancy, we found out there were some health issues with the baby (which is an entirely different story for another day) and that only added to the stress of our daily living.

I heard an analogy once that our quick marriage was kind of like someone seeing a train passing by, thinking it looked good, and jumping on, only realizing afterwards that he had no idea where the train was going or if it was a place he wanted to be.  So very true.

Each new situation revealed how different we were at our cores.  When my instincts said ‘left,’ his said ‘right.’  When I was confident in my heart that the answer was black, he was just as certain that the answer was white.  This happened with almost all decisions, both small and large.  We approached every aspect of life from completely different angles.

The next several years were more of the same.  We were hardly ever in agreement on anything and because of that, we were constantly on the defensive, each looking out for ourselves.  I felt completely unsettled, confused, and insecure.  What made things worse was that I did truly love him so my head and my heart were seriously at war.    My heart told me to hold on, have hope, while my head told me this is not how things are supposed to be, that life had so much more to offer than being constantly miserable.  I’m sure that internal battle made some of my actions and decisions very confusing to him.

Out of respect for all involved, it is not necessary to give every little detail of every little mistake.  We both messed up in many ways and we both acted like fools many times.  We were terrible at communicating with each other.  Sometimes I felt like I was living with an alien from another planet with no possible way of communication.  I’m sure he felt the same.

During this time, our second son was born and he was such a beautiful blessing in the midst of the craziness.  I was also able to go back to school and earn my bachelors degree in Interior Design.  My family joked that I wanted to go through all of the big life experiences at once, before I hit 25.

As the years went by, nothing improved.  Our tolerance levels grew less and less.  Little things quickly escalated into very big ordeals.  It became very evident that the cost of this relationship most definitely outweighed the benefit.

After almost seven years of marriage, I knew it was time to leave.